Magic Mike, Pizza & Deceit

Imagine you are in the mood for a cheese pizza with a light pineapple topping.

You squeeze a  grocery store stop into your busy day just to grab said pizza. You invite your friends over to share it, preheat the oven, rub your hands together with glee as you rip open the box. And then you stare at the pizza in dismay.

Confused, you flip the box over and check the picture again. Yep. Plain old cheese pizza with a few pineapples stare back innocently from the cardboard. You blink. Shove the pizza back in the box and then pull it out again. Blink. Then you get mad. You feel betrayed. Lied to. Because there…in the midst of frozen cheese and a few shriveled up wanna be pieces of pineapple are…anchovies! And mushrooms! And some kind of green slimy thing that nauseates you.

You have to apologize to your friends, mumble something about someone else picking out the pizza next time and go to bed hungry and angry at the lie on the front of the pizza box.

This was my Magic Mike experience and I left the movie depressed and in need of a shower. I call it bait and switch. Anyone who’s seen the previews expects a fun, shallow movie with a splash of romance that you can unwind and giggle with your girlfriends about. In reality, it was about the sleazy, seedy lifestyle of male strippers, complete with drug abuse, drug dealing, skanky sex…oh, and  a pot-belly pig licking up vomit.

I know. Nauseating.

As a writer, I know a book’s cover tells the reader what to expect from the book. You know if the story inside is a mystery, sci-fi, literary, romance or erotica by how it’s packaged and marketed. This movie was like picking up a book with a romance cover and falling into gritty, urban street fiction. I won’t even mention the romance part except to say it didn’t work. At all.

Now, I’m sure Mr. Soderbergh didn’t intend to deceive us. He probably considers himself an artist and didn’t want to just make a movie about  Channing Tatum dancing  for an hour and a half.  But, honestly, I would have preferred this because for me, the ten minutes of Tatum’s moves were the only redeeming factor in this movie.

If you’ve already seen this movie, what did you think? Were you disappointed? Disgusted? Am I being too sensitive? Or did I just make you hungry for pizza? Inquiry minds wanna know!

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  1. #1 by gingercalem on July 2, 2012 - 5:44 pm

    I haven’t seen it and now I won’t. That does not sound like my sort of movie at all, pretty much starting with pig and vomit. Nasty! I love summer movies and so far I haven’t been to many. When are the good ones coming?

    • #2 by Shannon Esposito on July 2, 2012 - 6:28 pm

      Looking forward to the Bourne Legacy. The rest just seem like rentals.

  2. #3 by Tameri Etherton on July 2, 2012 - 5:59 pm

    Totally agree! There was a moment in the movie where the entire theater was silent. I mean, you could hear yourself breathe silent. I was bitterly disappointed with the movie not so much because I really wanted more stripping (I did), but the darkness of the story just bummed me out. I went with a group of friends and we all agreed the highlight of the movie was our dinner beforehand where we just ate, drank, and laughed about being moms, etc.

    I love Alex Pettyfer, but hated, absolutely hated his character in this movie. There was nothing redeeming in him or the movie. The only thing that almost redeemed it? I really wasn’t a fan of Tatum before the movie, now I kind of like him. He was the only character I had any sort of connection with and it was sketchy at best. Such a shame.

    • #4 by Shannon Esposito on July 2, 2012 - 6:31 pm

      Oh yeah, the dinner with the girls beforehand was fun…I guess there was an upside! I kept wondering why no one was talking about the movie after they saw it. Now I know why. :-(

  3. #5 by Kara Flathouse on July 2, 2012 - 9:07 pm

    I have to agree. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I went with my best friend since I was 15, sat in balcony seats in a cool old theater where they served food and beer, I would have been so bummed. Can’t we just have a fun, male stripper movie for all us gals without the dark and disgusting stuff? I, too, felt the need for a shower afterwards. But I did go homr thanking God for my amazing husband and the quiet, boring life we lead!

  4. #7 by Kassandra Lamb on July 3, 2012 - 12:59 am

    Sorry your girls’ night out movie was such a bust. Now I know what movie not to see this summer!

    • #8 by Shannon Esposito on July 3, 2012 - 2:36 am

      Yeppers, save your money. Just watch the 30 second youtube video.

  5. #9 by Karen McFarland on July 3, 2012 - 7:10 pm

    Great analogy Shannon. Nothing worse when you have a yearning for pizza and it doesn’t deliver. We’re drooling just thinking about digging in and taking that first bite. And then, ack, nada, dissapointment. And amid friends to boot! Well let me thank you for saving me some money this summer. Like you, it sounds like a waste. Who likes to do that these days, eh? I say, stay at home with your closest friends and make a pitcher of margaritas. It always makes for a wonderful evening. I look forward to your next review Shannon. Thanks! :)

    • #10 by Shannon Esposito on July 7, 2012 - 12:45 am

      Oh…margaritas! Now you’re talkin’ :-)

  6. #11 by Kourtney Heintz on July 4, 2012 - 2:20 pm

    I hate the bait and switch. It’s a cheap ploy. I was going to see this movie because it looked so lighthearted and “Full Monty” ish. Scratch that off my list. Thanks for the warning. :)

    • #12 by Shannon Esposito on July 7, 2012 - 12:47 am

      Thanks for stopping by, Kourtney! The thing is, I’m not even sure they meant it as a cheap ploy. I think they were just a bunch of men who don’t understand what a woman wants out of a movie.

  7. #13 by Shannyn Schroeder on July 4, 2012 - 10:25 pm

    Whoa, you weren’t kidding when you said I was nicer than you in reviewing this movie. For me, I was just disappointed because I saw the potential. As a romance writer, I knew this could’ve been a great movie if more time had been spent on really creating a plot.

    • #14 by Shannon Esposito on July 7, 2012 - 12:50 am

      As a romance writer, I’m sure you were like wtf? Especially at the end when their idea of romance was “oh, we have seven hours to kill, what shall we do?” That just smacks of a male-written script.

  8. #15 by karenfrommentor on July 6, 2012 - 1:27 pm

    I’m wondering if there was a little disclaimer at the end that said “no actual vomit was used in the making of this movie…”

    I’ve only walked out of two movies in my life [and WISH I'd walked out on Event Horizon] but this one sounds like I would have left early on. I’d rather waste $10 than let somebody drag my delicate flower like psyche through the muck. [and yes I typed that with a straight face]

    Spend a couple of days watching A Knight’s Tale and/or The Princess Bride over and over on a loop to get the nasty out of your head.

    • #16 by Shannon Esposito on July 7, 2012 - 12:48 am

      Hi, Karen! Yes. Those two movies did it right!

  9. #17 by Melinda on July 7, 2012 - 12:40 am

    I am soooo glad I saw this! I fully intended to go see that movie for exactly the reasons you did, and oh I would have been so pissed off! I HATE movies where I leave depressed. Agree on A Knight’s Tale or Princess Bride to wash the taste out of your mouth lol. And Yes, now craving pizza. But no anchovies, please!

    • #18 by Shannon Esposito on July 7, 2012 - 12:49 am

      Glad I could be of service, Melinda…lol!

  10. #19 by Jules on July 9, 2012 - 4:11 am

    Totally agree about the downer in this movie. I was the exact same, got in the theatre, it already had a fab atmosphere full of us women with big smiles waiting in anticipation. After the first half hour I was already thinking how much I wanted to buy the DVD as soon as it came out but wow, it changed from fun, laughter, great music and dancing handsome male bodies to what most of us thought could have been a different movie. The atmosphere changed from whoop whooping, laughing and blushing to silence, it was so wrong. Drugs, puke, miserable female, no more fun songs or dancing, no future Magic, who I may add started as the ultimate guy you wanna see then changed into some other character. Oh, what happened to his dream? When I saw the preview with ‘Moves like Jagger” song that hooked me, but they don’t even have that in the movie. First time I have ever waited until the credits were done incase they had the song “move like Jagger’ or maybe even a clip or two with more fun, but no. Nothin, ziltch, bumber, let down. I would not recommend it. What a waste, it could have been even better than Full Monty if it stayed on track. Sorry for going on but my friend and I have all said the exact same thing so where are they getting these great reviews?? I hate seeing people ripped off. Jules

    • #20 by Shannon Esposito on July 11, 2012 - 10:11 pm

      oh yeah, you’re right! they didn’t play that song. Oh, and apparently they’re going to make a Magic Mike sequel. Maybe they’ll redeem themselves but I’m not holding my breath.

  11. #21 by RJ (Girl:)) on December 31, 2012 - 7:49 pm

    The MOVES LIKE JAGGER song wasn’t even in the movie?? I was glad their was a story but it was a terrible story and it SO didn’t work. The girl had no chemistry with him and then it ends? I thought THE KID was much more adorable than Tatuming! The drugs was so out of place it seemed like they didn’t know where to put them in?? I made my husband rent this as I am 5 months pregnant and have the Flu and I just wanted to see the scene with the damn song lol and then the weak ending! My husband looked at me and said GREAT MOVIE sarcastically and I was very let down! Not worth the $1 from Redbox!

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